"I grew up in an animal shelter on the central coast.
For most of my childhood my dearest friend was a domesticated ferret. We shared
a lot in common; smell, facial hair, and toilet training complications.
At the age of 5, I was finally adopted by carnival folk that
were passing through my home town. They appreciated me for my human-like
qualities. As a victim of home-schooling; I can safely say that I was almost
the toughest kid in school, and rarely bullied. Sometimes my carnie-mother
would threaten to beat me with a cabbage in exchange for my lunch money. I knew
that I had to escape from this madness...but would I ever find my true mum's
spaghetti?
By the age of 10, I was running the carnival. We would
travel from town to town, adopting scoundrels like myself from animal shelters.
I sometimes wondered whether I would ever achieve my goal of becoming a true
Pokémon master. Would I catch them all? Unable to find any AA batteries for my
Gameboy, it was awfully difficult to even evolve my Charmander. So as a
substitute for Pokémon, the orphans were my Pokedex; and I, their Pokémon
trainer.
By the age of 15 I had almost completed the Pokedex. There
was a fat kid, Snorlax. A malnourished child, Weedle, and even a baby with
tentacles. I was well on my way to the elite four…
Today marks my 21st birthday, I can safely say that I suck
at Pokémon, and will never be a true Pokémon master, but at least I drive a car
that is only moderately queer."
"Apparently most sky-diving deaths occur on
impact" - Max Power
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