Sunday, 4 October 2015

Humans of Sydney


"I grew up in an animal shelter on the central coast. For most of my childhood my dearest friend was a domesticated ferret. We shared a lot in common; smell, facial hair, and toilet training complications.

At the age of 5, I was finally adopted by carnival folk that were passing through my home town. They appreciated me for my human-like qualities. As a victim of home-schooling; I can safely say that I was almost the toughest kid in school, and rarely bullied. Sometimes my carnie-mother would threaten to beat me with a cabbage in exchange for my lunch money. I knew that I had to escape from this madness...but would I ever find my true mum's spaghetti?

By the age of 10, I was running the carnival. We would travel from town to town, adopting scoundrels like myself from animal shelters. I sometimes wondered whether I would ever achieve my goal of becoming a true Pokémon master. Would I catch them all? Unable to find any AA batteries for my Gameboy, it was awfully difficult to even evolve my Charmander. So as a substitute for Pokémon, the orphans were my Pokedex; and I, their Pokémon trainer.

By the age of 15 I had almost completed the Pokedex. There was a fat kid, Snorlax. A malnourished child, Weedle, and even a baby with tentacles. I was well on my way to the elite four…
Today marks my 21st birthday, I can safely say that I suck at Pokémon, and will never be a true Pokémon master, but at least I drive a car that is only moderately queer."


"Apparently most sky-diving deaths occur on impact" - Max Power